In The Beginning

18 Jan

I am 24 and I am a mom. Most people don’t see past their preconceived notions of a young mom, to see that I am so much more. I have made many mistakes in my life but the road that finally led me here was a bumpy but happy one. My 9 month old daughter truly is the light of my life, and I can only be thankful that I made it to this point. There were many times in my young adulthood that I did not expect to see the next day. I think I often believed that there was no way I would make it to my mid 20’s let alone through another week with myself. Growing up in my shoes had its difficulties, and I quickly grew to be my own worst enemy. For many years I dabbled in drugs and bad decisions. I neglected to care about myself and the people around me. For years I used whatever drugs I could get my hands on to numb my feelings and thoughts. I didn’t want to feel, or have to think, or handle reality.

I know there are millions of people out there who choose to use and abuse substances over living their lives, and for many years, I thought they had the right idea. I in no way condone drug use, I have been down that road and I can tell you endless stories about the stupidity and bad decisions involved in drug abuse. I have driven friends away, watched people die, and nearly killed myself in an endless quest for what? A better high? I hope for a chance to share some of my stories and memories in a format easily accessible to other people with a past.

I strongly encourage any readers to share their own stories. If you felt you could relate to something I have said, please feel free to share. I hope for this to be a place for free flow of thought without judgment. I know that so many people out there have a colored history, but I also know that we are the people we are meant to be because of the experiences, and lessons we live through. I personally believe that we go through all the things that we do, so we can be better equipped to handle situations later on. An easy example of a life lesson? Put your hand on a hot stove, after you burn it the first time I doubt that you will put your hand back, or any other body part for that matter. Life is just a series of lessons accumulating and turning you into the person you are. I plan on laying out several of my own personal life lessons, with hope that someone out there can relate, learn, or enjoy my personal stories.

I am not defined by the person people see when they look at me. I am defined by the way I have lived my life, the decisions and mistakes I’ve made, the consequences I have lived through and the way I have handled the hurdles life has thrown my way.

© I Am Not Defined, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

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39 Responses to “In The Beginning”

  1. gigglinginthegutter February 15, 2012 at 11:33 pm #

    Reblogged this on gigglinginthegutter and commented:
    Wonderful place to to be starting every day!!!

  2. char February 18, 2012 at 9:44 am #

    I think the hard lessons in life teach us the best. My bro in law started drugs in junior high and always wanted to stop, but could never cut the chains of friends and addictions. He eventually committed suicide in prison, which broke all of our hearts. I started my blog with him in mind–to put forth hope and magnify the good things in life, and to explore dealing with pain occasionally too. I commend you for your courage in learning and moving forward, and look forward to reading more from you.

  3. bennythomas February 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm #

    Some times we are generous to others but mean to ourselves. Being honest or fair means to be fair to yourself. I can imagine your child is the light of your life. Be her light too and here is wishing all the best. The best is yet to be.

  4. kellig February 20, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

    good for you on writing your blog. sometimes it is needed, to get stuff out of our heads where we can look at them somewhat objectively. hang in there, ok?

    a recent quote i heard, and really like: it is never to late to be the person you are supposed to be.

  5. ShimonZ February 21, 2012 at 11:33 pm #

    Starting out in this world, we don’t choose who our parents are, or what society we will be raised in… and we get a lot of values and standards handed to us. A lot of it is silly and worthless. We make some choices… and sometimes these choices direct much of what is to come in the future. But at any point, we can choose to learn about the alternatives. I think it was a good choice on your part, to refuse to be defined by the conventional standards that were fed to you in your childhood and youth. But, as you probably know, that is just the beginning. Finding out what really matters to you, and how to fit in to your own world, and to find your true family… those brothers and sisters you will truly love, and the work that will inspire you… that’s a long journey. I wish you success in your journey of discovery.

  6. thecosmicsoul February 24, 2012 at 7:00 pm #

    What a beautiful soul you have – a light for others.

  7. Marsha J. O'Brien February 25, 2012 at 9:18 am #

    Very wise for such a young mama. You are rather like my daughter in your maturity and vision. God bless you and your baby! Have a wonderful day!

  8. sapeni February 25, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

    Whoa! You definitely have a powerful and very inspiring blog. I worked my way though many of your articles just to see how you spilled your heart on the page and transformed into a stronger women for it. It’s very beautiful to see. What is even more beautiful is the amount of support you received because you have help them in one way or another.
    Best wishes to you and your daughter~

  9. vantheman77 February 25, 2012 at 10:32 pm #

    That’s a very powerful and inspiring blog you have here.

  10. TCrunk February 26, 2012 at 6:58 am #

    This is truly beautiful. We can make as many mistakes as we want in life. The most important thing is to learn from them and make changes in your life so that you don’t live in regret.

  11. sleepingbootay February 26, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    Have to just say that I really really like your blog! You give great advice and I can just tell from reading your posts that you are just such a lovely person! Keep the posts coming.. because they are awesome! :)

  12. Mad Queen Linda February 27, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    I’m about 100 years older than you but you’re about 100 years ahead of me intellectually. I’m hanging on to that line, “I am not defined by the person people see when they look at me.” Thanks!

  13. onebravesurvivorhealing February 27, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    I have enjoyed reading your posts. The choices and mistakes that you have made as a young adult will make you a better mom and human being in the long run. Our experiences truly do define who we are. Keep writing because I am sure there are many other who can relate to what you are talking about.

  14. kappers4 February 27, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    I have read several of yours and appreciate your honesty; you seem like an empathetic person who can relate well to others. Keep up the great writing!

  15. Uzoma March 2, 2012 at 2:29 am #

    Great write. You have touched what bothers on the human. The truth we all should embrace. I’m inspired by your piece.

  16. Christine (The Brighter Side of Life) March 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

    Beautifully expressed. You are a courageous person to share your story, and it’s wonderful that you’re trying to help others. Thank you for making a difference in people’s lives!

  17. libertarianzen March 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

    Sharing your challenges with others may help them effectively deal with their own trials and tribulations. Helping just one lost soul overcome adversity shines a beautiful light of hope on all.

  18. Fiona Pimentel March 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

    I admire your bravery. Thanks for sharing.

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