6 Feb

Dear I Am Not Defined,

I understand the bullying and the keeping everything inside. My school days weren’t very different, although I do not have boobs!  I am no longer in school, but it has forever scared me. I still have anti-social behavior and I don’t have many friends. None outside of work. What do you do? How do you look for friends?


Dear Anti-Social,

It’s very hard to get away from your anti-social behavior; I think a lot of people act this way to protect themselves from getting hurt. If you want to have more friends, you’re going to have to be willing to put yourself out there. I recommend facing every situation with a smile. It is really hard to be mean to someone who starts off by giving you a smile. Kill everyone with kindness, it might sound silly, but people are much more receptive to kindness.

Strike up a conversation with just about anyone, it might be hard to get out of your shell, but you will probably find that you have something in common with just about anyone. I find that anti-social people often come off as stuck up, people think that you’re being anti-social because you think you’re better than them, or something to that effect. Since you’re less likely to open your mouth and let people know about you, they are more likely to make assumptions about you that may not be true.

The best thing you can do is love yourself. If you are happy with who you are, you will be more confident, people are really attracted to confidence. Since it sounds like you had a hard time growing up, your self-love may not be so great. Work on accepting yourself for everything you are, and aren’t. The world is full of different unique people for a reason. It would be so boring if everyone was the same, and I think you’re pretty awesome for being different. Embrace your flaws, they make you unique and they make you who you are. If you love yourself, others will follow.

Go hang out somewhere that you really enjoy, and spend the day just talking to people, some people will blow you off and be jerks, the world is full of them, but that’s ok. It is only their insecurity showing. Hopefully you will connect with some new people, find some common ground and go from there. You both like art? Ask your new friend if they want to go to a museum with you next week. Be proactive, it’s like a first date and you’re the guy, you have to be willing to make the first move, and hopefully you won’t get rejected! Rejection is part of life however, and if someone blows you off, you didn’t want to be friends with them anyway, so consider yourself lucky to have weeded them out so quickly! Keep your chin up and just keep trying!

 -I Am Not Defined

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13 Responses to “Anti-Social~Advice”

  1. ardysz February 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

    Some very good advice here. Can I also add, you change by making the decision to change. The decision that comes from your innermost self is the really important first step. Also, am wondering if what you mean by ‘anti-social’ behaviour is just that you are an introvert personality. Nothing wrong with that, just recognise it and develop strategies to balance those tendencies so you can be happier with your life. Hugs to you.

  2. Dena Gray February 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    Well said. I agree with smiling, it worked for me. I am a very private and shy person but I’m able to work successfully in retail with my main arsenal being a smile. I also learned not to take things personally. Much of what I thought was something directed at me in judgement was actually something that had absolutely nothing to do with me. For example: laughter and stopped conversation. Most of the time that has nothing to do with me and when I realized that, life became easier to handle.

  3. apb148 February 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    This is a very inspiring post, well done.

  4. teeceecounsel February 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm #

    There’s a lot of mind work to do before stepping out, a lot of building of confidence. It’s sure possible once it’s thought possible!

  5. jimswhimz February 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm #

    I’d just say be willing to surrender your perception of what “friends” means and don’t put labels or expectations on what you hope for. Just be willing to lower your boundaries and let a wider net of people in and when you have a sample to work with you can test which important connections will allow you to be yourself with your boundaries. Then you will have the “right” people in your friend group.

  6. Inside the Mind of Isadora February 7, 2012 at 5:51 am #

    Great advice … I find that because I am shy I tend to smile alot. I suppose I just did it naturally without thinking as a way to feel comfortable. People will often say, “Your not shy. Your always smiling and your face is happy”. So – it works.
    I have to agree with your info – just smile.
    Nicely written ..

  7. masongoetz February 7, 2012 at 8:20 am #

    I love the line about loving yourself. I fully agree with this. It took some time, but I eventually figured out that all of the people out there putting others down or making fun of something are actually the ones insecure with that aspect of life. Hope that Anti-Social finds peace.

  8. michael February 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm #

    Very true! Very good advice!

  9. oorvispeaks February 18, 2012 at 8:15 pm #

    True and amazing

  10. Leslie February 20, 2012 at 6:41 am #

    Excellent advice. It’s not easy to come out of one’s anti-social shell, but it can be done. You are doing a great service for people with this blog.

  11. anotherteenagegirl February 23, 2012 at 9:20 pm #

    In order to make a friend, you have to be a friend.
    I am constantly working on this.

  12. imjess February 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    wow, really good advice, although i’m not anti social, i have few schizoid traits.


  1. Advice/Questions « I Am Not Defined - February 8, 2012

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