Dear I Am Not Defined
I feel like I don’t belong in my group of friends at school. I don’t have that “label” that people have for other people, such as: the friend that always gives good advice, the friend who always makes me laugh, the friend who never makes a moment awkward, the friend who has the best fashion and I love to shop with, etc. I don’t fit in the categories that my friends want me to be in.
I just don’t understand, all my friends are nice to me at school and school activities. I am social and talkative, but I never actually hang out with anyone. They never invite me to anything, and I am not sure why.
But I am also paranoid to ever hang out with one of my friends one-on-one. I don’t know why, but I am. I am scared of being awkward or not good enough or funny enough, and it really bothers me. I am scared that they like me, but find everyone else and their other friends way more appealing and more fun to hang out with. This also translates into my dating life, which is non-existent. I am so scared that I can’t go on real dates because I will be too awkward.
I don’t know, but I am tired of being lonely and awkward.
-Awkward
Dear Awkward,
Is it possible that you project your insecurities onto your attitude around your friends? Maybe they don’t invite you out because you don’t seem into it. Maybe your friends see your fear of being awkward as a standoffish attitude. Simply put, maybe they don’t invite you out because you don’t act like it would be interesting to you.
Instead of worrying about how you could act or what you could do, let go and relax. Just be. You don’t have to be labeled as one thing or another. You are you, and that is plenty. You do not have to be any type of person for your friends to like you. They are your friends and they like you because you are awkward and undefinable. You don’t have to give great advice, or have perfect fashion sense to be a good friend, or to be liked by your friends. They obviously see something in you that you don’t see; maybe you’re just a good friend in an unconventional way. It doesn’t matter; you should be liked for being the person you are, not because you fit into some cliché category that doesn’t mean anything in the long run.
If you want to do more things with your friends, make the effort. Have you ever tried inviting one of them to do something? Maybe they don’t invite you to do things because you don’t ever try to do things with them. People make assumptions, it happens, whether it’s true or not. I am sure your friends would be more than willing to do more if you simply tried to do more with them. Who cares if your awkward, that is just part of who you are, embrace it. I know a lot of guys who love awkward, clumsy, shy, quiet, odd girls. Not everyone wants the girl who has the best outfit, or fills every awkward pause. Most guys want a real girl, odd character traits and all. You have nothing to be insecure about, who cares what people think of you, what matters is what you think of yourself.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I have no doubt that most of your friends feel awkward in social situations as well. They just may not show it in the same way. I know I always worry if I’m talking too much, or laughing weird, and most of the women I know worry about similar silly things. Who cares if you say the wrong thing, or trip over your own feet, you’re a real person, and no one is perfect all the time, we all say and do things we wish we hadn’t. Give yourself the freedom to just be, you don’t have to worry about every little thing, if you do, you’re going to miss the awesome things happening in front of you. If you worry less, you will enjoy yourself more, and if you put yourself out there a bit, you will likely find your friends willing to do more. Guys will come, and the right one won’t care if your awkward, he will like you for all that you are, and are not. Just don’t miss him because you’re stressing about what to say or do!
-I Am Not Defined
Get Advice from IAND
Check us out on Facebook or Twitter!
© I Am Not Defined, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
I Am Not Defined 
I think you were spot on with everything here. You have to be you, but at the same time you also want to make sure that you cultivate the characteristics to which people will respond. Its a tight rope to walk, but it is a lot easier to walk when one is relaxed. This is great material and I look forward to reading more.
i think a lot of people worry so much about how other people see them, that they forget to live their own lives.
not defined, from what i read of your earlier life difficulties with a family member, and the equanimity you seem to now possess in spite of same, you can be certain that you possess a singular strength of character that will guide you through whatever dark moments may occur up ahead. continue…
You gave yourself some spot on advice there. Right on the ball.
We’ve all got to work on our insecurities, some more than others. But you can do it.
You haven’t got to feel like a reject, different from others. I do the same thing as you, think I am different and don’t ‘fit in’ but in truth, I’m probably not so far off being as ‘normal’ as other people.
Be strong. Sending you strength.
The Quiet Borderline
Everyone is made unique! The moment anybody discovers that, the struggle to meet up or to be accepted won’t be necessary anymore. Good advice. Everybody has a unique tag. Being confident and enjoying life just the way you appreciate it makes all the difference!
…or maybe they just aren’t that into you and that is okay, because you should only feel that you are “good enough” for you. We I was a tyke (yes a tyke) I experienced this same thing and then I grew into a young lady and it continued. Imagine my perplexities when it was still hanging around when I became a young woman!
One day after many tears and stressed out “what’s wrong with me” self convo’s I asked the question aloud. I will never forget what she told me…You have a “don’t f&#! sign over your head that imminates to anyone who would dare. It is obvious that you have more confidence than most and people aren’t ready for it.
Well, that conversation helped me to mold a better me…I am still … very particular about my associations and there is nothing wrong with that.
What a great idea for a blog/site! It is good to see how you are really connecting with people. I will definitely visit you again.
Wise advice! At least Awkward has recognised these parts of him/her and now wishes to change. Indeed with effort, little by little, it’ll become much better. I think it’s called the self-looking mirror? The fact that you might reflect what people think of you and maybe because they’re not used to socialise with you and so you think you can’t either. Just don’t give up, move forward and towards those friends and start to mingle, but by remain yourself of course :) Good luck!
You rarely see “serious” awkwardness blogs…I like this….