21 Mar

Dear I Am Not Defined,
The thing is, I really like a boy since about two years ago. I don’t want to like him, I tried to talk to him (but everybody says I didn’t. Maybe I just don’t know the way to talk to him because I think he’s too special to talk with a girl like me. I guess he doesn’t like me a bit, in fact, I do believe he hates me. Two years have passed, and I can’t go out with anyone else because I just can’t stop loving him. I’m afraid it won’t be over. Right now, I just want to let him go, but I don’t know how, I can’t stop thinking about him and because of that, I consider myself pretty weird. I don’t like being weird.
– Desperate


Dear Desperate,

I just want you to know that no guy is any more special then you are. You need to stop looking at him like he is someone better than you. It simply isn’t true. You as yourself are great, and you are just as valuable as any other person.

I can understand that you’re having problems with your crush on this guy. It sounds like it may be your first big crush, and that is always the hardest to get over. If you do not want to approach this guy, and try to make a go of it, then it is time to let him go. There is no special answer I can give you that will make you stop caring. You will have to make an attempt every day to see him as a regular person, who holds no power over you.

If all you can do is think about him, it’s time to re-train your brain to think about other things. Maybe you need to throw yourself into school work, or pick up a hobby. You will be even better off if you find something new to keep you busy that involves other people. Maybe you will meet someone else who you consider special enough for your attention.

I think it will also help if you figure out why this guy has a special hold on you. What is it that makes him seem so irresistible to you? Maybe you need to focus on what you don’t like about him, or focus on why you don’t want to be with him. If you truly don’t want him, you will get over it. It just takes time. There is no way to speed up the process of getting over someone, trust me, if there were, girls everywhere would be spared.

-I Am Not Defined

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© I Am Not Defined, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.


14 Responses to “Desperate~Advice”

  1. relationshiprecipe March 21, 2012 at 9:11 pm #

    Sometimes the idea of someone is more powerful than who they actually are. We get wrapped up in the fantasy of what life would be like when in reality they would pale in comparison — especially after 2 years!

    Instead of focusing on him I would take some time to focus on yourself. Spend some quality time getting to know yourself and your priorities in a relationship. Chances are he won’t even fit your ideal man in the long term anyway (especially if he hasn’t decided to be with you yet, he’s probably not worth it)

  2. ansuyo March 21, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

    I found (after a few years of maturity) that often my”crushes” had something about them that I was attracted to. Once I knew what that was, the power of the crush was gone. I think your advice to figure out the whys of the crush are good. Age may have something to do with it too. This is not uncommon in the teen years. Good post :)

  3. myatheistlife March 21, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

    Never mind that this guy is not more special than she is… no person is more special than she is. That is, after all, what equality is. It is wise to remember that no matter how special you think someone is, there is someone somewhere who is tired of their crap.

    Whatever it is that you find attractive about this guy, recognize it, acknowledge it, move on. He is not the last person who will ever have that quality or set of qualities. Chances are very high that you will find a person who not only has that quality but other attractive qualities that this person does not. In short, nobody is that special. Trust me. No matter how many people think they married their soul-mate, the divorce rate is still just over 50%. So more than half of everyone that thought they had met “the” one were wrong. And those people go on to meet up with other people that work out for them. If this one is not working out you need to KNOW that there is someone else just waiting for you to get there. That is how life and love work. Don’t worry so much about one crush that is not working out. Walk away, enjoy the memories, learn a bit… keep going. If this is your first, no, you won’t ever forget them probably. Just the same, you will go on and find love and happiness without them. Trust me on that. It IS what will happen, no matter how much it might feel like that is not true right now.

  4. Mike Beaumont March 21, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

    Dear Desperate, iamnotdefined had some good answers, but let me give it to you from a guys point of view. Trust me when I tell you it isn’t just girls that go through this. When I was 17 I met a girl that I happened to work with that was totally gorgeous. She was a tall blonde gal with long, long blonde hair, blue eyes that sparkled more than any jewel, and a smile that could melt your heart. Which it did mine. But I was just an ole country boy that wasn’t much into fancy cars or clothes, and my friends told me she was way out of my league. So I couldn’t bring myself to get up the nerve to ask her out. This went on for over a year, me just watching her from afar. We did have an occasion to talk at times, as we worked together, and she was always friendly. But almost 1 and a half years went by, and one night we planned to have a party over at my house for my birthday. I invited all my friends, and one of the other workers at our store asked me if I had asked her to go. I said no I hadn’t, and started thinking “why not”? So I bucked up the courage to go ask her, and she was actually so happy that she almost started to cry. She had wanted me to ask for a long time, but I had always assumed that as beautiful as she was that she already had a boyfriend. It didn’t last for long, but we did have fun, and became good friends. The point here is that unless you face yourself and draw up the courage to make that first step, you will never really know. Don’t be afraid, just take the initiative and do it. Good luck.

  5. Mr. Miller March 22, 2012 at 6:19 am #

    “If all you can do is think about him, it’s time to re-train your brain to think about other things.”

    Not easy advice to follow, but certainly good advice nonetheless.

  6. Tiffany (lifewithblondie) March 22, 2012 at 6:48 am #

    Infatuations can sometimes lead to love, but an infatuation is not love. Remember that!

  7. iammovingup March 22, 2012 at 8:47 am #

    Good advice!

  8. stevehallsbooks March 22, 2012 at 10:23 am #

    Being a fisherman, I’d draw a comparison to standing in the middle of a river, watching salmon swim by, knowing your limit is one. They all look great, but you want to wait for the one that connects with you… it’s size, color, its beauty when it attempts to jump the raging water, it’s determination to reach it’s destination. Pick wisely, you can only have one.

  9. granbee March 22, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

    I can see why this one would be VERY difficult to answer! The most helpful thing here is when you said no guy is more special than the author of this letter! Hooray for you! I think I must just add a suggestion that the letterwriter list the qualities she thinks she sees in this guy that she herself wish she had–and then pick out just one and work towards achieving that forself! Many times, these types of romantic attachments involve us looking in a mirror at the other person–we are actually seeing in that person what we daydream about being ourselves.

  10. The Real Life Adventures of a College Student March 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    Love this blog post. Totally relates to my life atm. I feel the same way about someone, and I don’t know what would be so special about me that he would like me at all. I guess there is something, but its beyond me to see it. Anyways, Just loved this post. :)

  11. Chicpencil March 24, 2012 at 4:31 am #

    Indeed another great post.
    Just to share…

    Last month I posted my profile in a networking site to mingle with fellow singles. I did received couple of messages of ‘hi’ and ‘hello’. However one message from someone caught my attention and so I decided to keep in touch with this interesting guy. After few talking on the phone we decided to meet. He then told me that he was very reluctant to connect with me as I am way out of his league. However he wouldn’t know unless he’ll try. We kept the communication going and getting to know each other. And now, he’s my boyfriend. The point here is if he didn’t try I wouldn’t know.

    So, the point here is if Desperate wouldn’t try she wouldn’t get the chance. It takes someone to start the conversation going…
    And who know where it can lead to.

  12. Meloxemy March 25, 2012 at 6:18 am #

    Reblogged this on Meloxemy.

  13. Belle Reveur March 27, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    That’s great advice. I think girls can get so wrapped up in a crush that they can forget to live their own lives and miss out on great opportunities with new guys.


  1. Catching Up | Momma's Money Matters - March 24, 2012

    […] I am not defined. is a blog which I have already pointed out is very definitive. Really good advice to anyone who writes in for it. Add to it a walk in the everyday trenches overcoming the steady stream of stumbling blocks we all encounter. Really simple, just flipping through a few pages, to figure out why IAND won the Versatile Blogger. IAND then passed graciously to M3. […]

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