Tag Archives: church

Complicated~Advice

23 Feb

Authors Note: I appreciate everyone who takes the time to seek advice here. Without you, I couldn’t keep this going, and I am so grateful! It has been so amazing to see everyone put their two cents in, and I feel like we have really started something interesting here! Thank you everyone for your supportive and thoughtful comments and advice for all the participants! If you’d like to get some advice of your own, don’t forget to head to the Advice Section! Thanks!

Dear I Am Not Defined,

My ex-boyfriend and i were together for four years when we broke up last year in January, when he suddenly decided we weren’t meant for each other. We go to the same church, so basically getting over a break up was hard, I would always see him. In December we met again, and he told me he found out he had a son and he had that son when we were dating (basically, he was cheating on me). He told me he loved and wanted us to get back together. We talked for a while, but now he isn’t calling anymore. Should I move on, should I just assume this is it? Did he just want to use me and play with my emotions? How do I move on from him when I see him every Sunday? There is also another girl in the church, and I feel like they are going out but he denies it even though the girl acts as if they are. Should I just back off?

-Complicated

Dear Complicated,

Getting over a break up is always difficult, especially when the relationship lasted four years. Having to go to church with the guy seems very difficult! I know it must be so hard seeing him, but maybe it is time for you to let it go. He obviously didn’t respect you enough when you were together, if he was out having a child with someone else. He had to cheat on you to get that baby, and that is not fair to you. If he didn’t treat you right in the first place, I don’t think he will treat you right now. It also sounds like he may be leading on another girl, or even dating her. Either way she obviously thinks something is going on between them, I doubt she made up some connection out of the air.

I would be wary of any man who cheated before. In my experience, if he doesn’t treat you right the first time around, it’s never going to get better. I have gone back to the same person time and time again, hoping things would get better, and I only got hurt worse in the end. Give yourself the foot up, and steer clear of this toxic guy. ]

If you have to go to the same church, stay away from him. If it means you have to sit in the back because he is up front, do it. If you’re not around him, he can’t reach you with his drama. If your church offers more than one service, consider attending a different one. If it is just too hard on you to see him, try going to church with a friend who goes to a different one, until you feel like you’re up to seeing him.

If you still talk to him, you should stop. It sounds like he is pretty good at getting to you emotionally, and he will probably try to pull on your heart-strings when he realizes that he no longer holds some power over you. Be there for yourself and steer clear of him. You don’t need someone in your life that hurts you, and leaves you feeling clueless and confused!

You don’t have to go hunt down another guy to help you get over this one, just enjoy being yourself, independent and happy, and in time you will meet someone who gives you the respect and attention you deserve, and doesn’t toy with your emotions or cheat. You’re an amazing woman and no one deserves to be cheated on or screwed with!

-I Am Not Defined

Get yourself some Advice!

Like IAND on Facebook, or Follow us on Twitter!

© I Am Not Defined, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: